11 Parent-Tested Ways To Ease Your Child's Separation Anxiety

For the first few months of existence, infants can not distinguish caregivers from strangers. When they cry, they can easily be calmed and comforted by any individual who make them feel loved and protected, regardless of relationship. By around 6 to 8 months, infants can now identify their main care giver and recognize that there is only one Mommy and Daddy. Hence, once the baby is offered by his parents to be carried by somebody unfamiliar to him, the child starts to cry, inconsolable by any individual other than his parents. This phase of the baby's development is called "stranger anxiety".

As the baby starts to outgrow stranger anxiety, he would then have to go through yet another phase of social development called "separation anxiety". Separation anxiety occurs when the kid, who has developed emotional attachment and security with his mother and father, feels uneasy once his parents are gone. A kid can show his anxiety in a lot of behaviors like crying, shyness, clinginess, unusual silence, and unwillingness to interact with other familiar individuals around him.

Though separation anxiety is normal and temporary, the baby must be helped in some ways. Separation may be observed by the baby as a traumatic and distressful event in his life, which can have a lasting psychological and emotional effect. Here are some methods to alleviate a baby's separation anxiety.

For babies and toddlers:

1. If you plan to go away, schedule it right after the baby's nap or feeding. It is observed that babies are less vulnerable to anxiety when they are full and fresh from a nap.

2. Acclimatize your baby by training separation for shorter periods and distances. A great example is when your baby attempts to head off to the kitchen and you are left in the living room, hold out for several minutes before going after him. By doing this, you are developing his feeling of independence.

3. If you are a working parent, have your child a consistent main caregiver. It is very best that you leave your kid with a caregiver who can be there for your child from infancy into toddlerhood.

4. If you must leave your child temporarily under the care of a relative, it is much better to ask your relative to come to your house, instead of dropping your child off to your relative's house.

5. Try to develop a consistent "goodbye" habit (e.g. basic wave or a distinctive kiss) and inform him that you need to go and that you will be back really soon. Avoid repeating your goodbye ritual every single time you go away. Doing so could only make your kid more anxious and insecure.

6. Most of all, maintain a calm, strong and positive attitude toward your kid every time you leave. Young children are very sensitive to your facial expression and can understand from your tone of voice and gestures. Showing your kid that you are also emotionally affected could only intensify anxiousness in your child.

For young children:

7. Establish trust and security with your kid by honoring time commitments. For instance, be sure to pick him up from day care or return home at the specified time. In this way, he will feel that your word can be trusted, so that the next time you go away and say that you will be back again, the kid could feel much less stressed because he is already convinced that you will certainly be back as promised.

8. Make your kid feel that you care about his emotions by telling him that you will miss him too each time you go away. Make an effort to explain why you need to leave him temporarily (e.g. you need to go to work so your can buy him milk), but assure him that you should be back very soon.

9. Read your child with children's story books which tell about courageous characters, and cite those times when he was brave and has accomplished something independently just like the hero in the story. Role-playing has a big effect in molding the child's behavior.

10. When separation is set at a later date and you plan to have him taken cared of by a relative, it is best to talk to your kid regarding it in advance. Help him prepare for that day by anticipating positive outcomes and telling him how you can be reached if necessary.

11. If possible, make a call and talk to your child over the mobile phone while you are away. Ask him how he is doing and tell him about feel-good stories. Hearing your voice could make him feel secure and less anxious.

Keep in mind, children will generally outgrow separation anxiety by age 5. By then, they are able to spend time in the absence of their parents with less stress and anxiety. Helping your little one ease his separation anxiety will allow him to get exposed to the real world, to experience life to the fullest and to explore new things and horizons.


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